My 5 Dating Tips

As requested by my sweet girls, this is the blog about dating.

(future husband, if you’re reading this, take notes)

1) DATE LIKE REAL LIFE

Dates you see on The Bachelor are not realistic. You don’t want to date like that. Success rate for Bachelor & Bachelorette couples is only 16%, kids. Regardless of what is on your Instagram feed, resist the urge to match Hollywood status with your snookums. Have your special days, but don’t get crazy.

Go outside. Cook for each other. Hang out like you would in REAL life. You’d be surprised that sitting in the same room, reading separately, with that person’s enjoyable presence can be just as exhilarating (and less stressful) than scaling a skyscraper downtown. You might learn more about each other when you remove all the entertainment. You might actually have to talk to each other. You can have fun with anybody doing crazy stuff. Get to the mundane and fold laundry, and you’ll figure out who your best friend really is.

Are you able to enjoy each other, aside from the activity, like nobody else?

2) DON’T BREAK THE BANK

On that note, you shouldn’t have to break the bank to be in a relationship. This is what keeps a lot of guys from pursuing the “princess” because let’s be honest, dating a princess is super expensive and kind of obnoxious (unless it’s Cinderella, that girl is on point with her budget aka my fav princess).

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Stay on budget, stay on budget, throw some glitter, make it rain.

Money can cause lots of fights when you’re married if you don’t get on the same page about your spending habits early on, while you’re dating. Opposites attract, so you’ll quickly notice who is the Scrooge, embarrassingly paying with pennies, and who is the Monopoly Guy, throwing wads of cash in the air like a rap video. One will most definitely bug the heck out of the other, and the sooner you communicate and compromise, the better.

Find the in-between. Life is too short to not enjoy yourself and treat yourself. Life is also more responsible than YOLO, so… find the middle. Talk about it.

Are you open and honest about how you spend your money?
Are you harboring any resentment over your differences in spending?

3) PUSH PAST THE AWKWARD AND PRAY

Prayer, believe it or not, is the great new thing research is raving about. They say that prayer can make a marriage divorce-proof if a couple prays together every single day. I believe that. Ladies, look for spiritual leadership in a man, above all else. Men, push past the weirdness of it and take initiative to pray. Prayer makes it tough for either of you to disrespect the other, emotionally or physically.

Look at their time with the Lord. Ask challenging questions.

Ladies, if he’s not interested now in how you’re doing with Jesus and what you’re learning from Jesus, what makes you think he’s going to be interested down the road?
Men, if she isn’t challenging you to push closer to Jesus, what makes you think she’s gonna bring the Kingdom best alongside you?

4) KINGDOM OR BUST

Dating is fun and all that, yes. It’s also temporary. Marriage is also temporary. According to scripture, you’re not married in heaven. Marriage is a covenant for here on earth, which is a vapor. I read a book a couple of years ago called “One Thing You Can’t Do in Heaven” by Mark Cahill, and it impacted me a lot. The obvious one thing is that you can’t witness to the lost from heaven. You get this time on earth to do that, and then it’s heaven time aka 24hr worship party 24/7.

So why bother getting married? Paul says that it’s better to be single, so you don’t have to divide your interests, right? Well God Himself came up with the idea of marriage. It’s symbolic for Christ and the Church, the bridegroom and the bride. If it was against His will and took away from Himself, it wouldn’t be His idea.

How does marriage not bring you down from your single awesomeness?

Simply put, the person you marry will spur you forward, in such a way that together you bring the Kingdom of God to earth more effectively than if you were single and apart. That’s the only way marriage can make sense, the only way you can truly desire it, truly cherish the good times and the bad times, and want to build a family with that person. Kingdom or bust!

Are you a Kingdom-bringing team?
Does that person encourage you to pursue God’s dream for you?
Do your callings make sense together?

5) DON’T BE AFRAID TO BREAK UP

Nowadays, with social media, it’s pretty embarrassing to break up. Everybody knows. There are pictures everywhere. The status changes and friends make awkward comments, and then you start getting the phone calls, and the candy, and, if you have friends like mine, you get stuffed animals. Breaking up is pretty miserable, yes, but it’s OKAY! It’s really okay.

You’re dating to figure out if that person is right for you. Odds are sort of against you. You’re gonna go through some break-ups if you’re a normal person. Delete the pictures. Just do it. Throw away the stuff, notes, letters, whatever. Let things end. End well so you can start well.

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#hadto

Don’t be afraid to end a relationship if you know it isn’t the right one. That person is the right one for somebody else. Set them free. Don’t be afraid to be on the receiving end of a break-up, either. Some doors have to close so that the right ones can open. Take your lessons and move forward. Break-ups are better than divorces. Break-ups are better sooner than later. Dating is a mutual trial period. It’s already understood. Do what you have to do!

Are you confident when it comes to ending relationships?
______________________________

Leave comments, I wanna hear it all!

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11 thoughts on “My 5 Dating Tips

  1. Elijah was too much. I died laughing. But this is legitimate. A good friend of mine got married a few years ago (actually it was just one..but I was gone for it so it seems like ages) and in our Bible study before all that ceremonial stuff happened we were talking about how she knew, blahblah. Th e one part that hit me was that she prayed a lot in one specific direction: that she & her boo would do more for the kingdom *together* than they could ever do apart. They even talked about that and mutually wanted it. As weird as it sounds, that’s been my big criteria in the dating world: can we do it better for the Lordt than apart? If so – let’s keep going. If not, I’m done. Holla. PEACE.

  2. Thank you so much Helena for doing this. You are someone I look up to and appreciate your wisdom of life. Keep the blog posts coming. I learn so much from you. Love you girl!

  3. #4 should of been #1 it’s the foundation that I think most people don’t fully grasp understand not just in their heads but their hearts.

    Great post; I checked out your ministry that’s awesome, I do something similar with just guys, helping them with there struggles & helping them find God’s calling for their lives.

    Maybe we can hangout sometime & go deep via Jesus. We have a mutual friend Mo. Do you live around us?

    • Hey Brandon, thanks for reading! I agree that #4 is the most important, but I wanted to put the lighthearted ones ahead so that more nonbelievers would keep reading 🙂 sorry I just saw this comment, but I’d love to hear about your ministry. I live in Atlanta, you?

  4. Solid advice, girlie…as usual. Dating this boy I really like for about 5 months now and I gotta say, even with the super awesome dates, the true falling-in-love happens folding towels and burning dinner together. I love you sweet girl…and greatly look forward to any and every cartoon/pic you find for your blog 🙂

    • I LOVE that you say this because the sweet man and you are now engaged and you built up a solid foundation. Love you, proud of you, and so thankful to have you reading along and laughing at my memes.

  5. Pingback: Yolo, Dating, and Starting Over | Rise & Shine

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