On the Bright Side of Brokenhearted

Throwback writing from the past… enjoy the words, you just might relate.
Sharing it now from a full heart, with a note of encouragement at the bottom.
Chin up, darlings.

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Unrequited love is the most unreasonable of loves.
It embraces danger with no guarantee. It’s a reckless pioneer, wagering the precious matters of the heart. It loves first, ready or not. It’s a love that Jesus tastes, the love He displayed on the cross, choosing to love us while we were yet His enemies. He said I love you and heard nothing in return.

I’ve had my taste of this bittersweet love, this one-sided transaction that left me hungry yet with no appetite, full of things to say yet unsure of what to write.

And writing with a broken heart is a persnickety thing. My words spin out on the page, the momentum catching me by surprise. I look up from a haze and see that I’ve written 1500 words on a topic I didn’t even know was on my heart. My voice is a little different, as it rushes and slows, not quite finding its regular pace.

Music is all of a sudden sweeter. Have melodies ever been this alive? Have the lyrics ever resonated with my spirit like this? My hands shoot up unabashedly in worship, declaring that God is my Shield.

Even my laughter is deeper, maybe because I’m raw, maybe because I feel so alive. I second guess if I’m faking laughter or if I really feel it. I second-guess most things, and it’s in that process that I find the truth.

I remember what was before and what still is. I rummage through life after what feels like a storm passed through. I look at photographs and wonder if I’m still the same. The beautiful and scary thing is that I’m not. God changed me in the process, and now I get to find out all over again who I am, and what I like, and what I want. The hardship brought out something beautiful along with the pain, something that needed to stir again. I feel more human, more vulnerable. I guess this is what it feels like to start again.

If you had asked me, I would have said I had no need for a new start. I was all set, thank you very much. But God {thankfully} chuckled and shook His head. It was time for a big change, for a big start. And now I trust His hand because I know His heart.

While some things are foreign, some remain. I have fallen in love all over again with my First Love. And oh the loyalty of my friends, the ones who are like blood to me. My brokenness brought my tribe closer together. They surprise me and text me, and take me for adventures. I’ve received pages of letters and long hugs. I’ve been taken on dates and finally gone dancing, because my goodness, I love to dance and they know that!

It makes my heart skip a beat to hear my grandmother’s raspy voice sharing wise words and encouraging the very core of me. Even when she’s not feeling her best, she still can manage to find the sunshine and point me to it. I am pursued fiercely and have been all along, I just had been waiting for it to come from that one person. I allowed my heart to look one way, and now as it spins around, I see love everywhere.

Jesus whispers to me in the early morning that I’m lovelier than the sunrise. He says things that make me blush, things that I never knew I wanted to hear because He makes sure He’s the one for me. He’s the most romantic, the most thoughtful, the most affectionate and affirming love. He surrounds me. I am enveloped in grace, like a letter sent to free a debtor. I owe nothing. I’m stamped by His blood. I am on my way to my proper destination, not lost, not delayed. I am expected and long-awaited. I am an answered prayer on its way. I am love and freedom and family and safety. I’m a city of refuge.

His comfort fills me like the deep, quiet breaths of peace after a long cry.

“It’ll be okay,” He whispers, “I am healing you.”

____________________________________

There’s a song called “Farther Along” by Josh Garrels, and it goes like this…

Farther along we’ll know all about it
Farther along we’ll understand why
Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We’ll understand this, all by and by…

I can vouch that this is true. In the moment, it makes no sense. You’re stuck in the whirlwind and the chaos, but time and Jesus… they’re sweet. They bring healing. You will understand why things didn’t work. You will see what the Lord had in mind instead. Trust that it’s much more beautiful. It’s real. It’s wholesome. It’s simple. Powerful, sweeping, like a tidal wave.

It can come right out of nowhere or have been there all along.
Sometimes both.

You will love again… not only that, but you’ll find that love is reinvented, recreated in a way that you didn’t understand before. I pray for healing and for trust if you’re going through a heartbreak.

Jesus loves you with an unfailing love.
Sometimes it takes a failing love for us to take that into consideration.
Rest in the truth of His goodness, and trust that all else will be added unto you.
Shake the heavens with your prayers for your portion.
He will release what is yours, baby.
He will open your eyes to see it.
He will add.

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