DATING NON-NEGOTIABLES

Okay… yes.

Another one. Eat your heart out, people sick of dating blogs.

WHAT ARE YOUR NON-NEGOTIABLES?

Red flags? No nos? Turn offs? Yes. Those.

Some of you think you know what you’re looking for, what you want in a husband or a boyfriend, or the future father of your children, but when a guy comes around and starts flirting with you, you act STUPID.

{there is grace for you, this is a hug}

BUT SERIOUSLY.

You might have no idea what you want {or what you don’t want}, so you end up entertaining the idea of being with someone who violates your {possibly nonexistent} non-negotiables. You flirt back. You string him along. You might actually date. You might even start to get attached, and override all of your panic alerts inside going “no no no no no no” just because of the attention? Fear? Confusion?

That’s okay in middle school, when Bobby gives you his puddin’ cups at lunch, and for the love of God, you love the puddin’ cups so much {not Bobby} and that’s a tough call. Honestly, puddin’ is delicious. This might still be a tough call… anyway…

NOT OKAY WHEN YOU’RE A GROWN UP.

It is not okay to wager hurting someone in order to get attention.
It is not okay to flirt with people in order to get attention.
It is not okay to go on multiple dates with people you do not like in order to get attention.

It’s mean, and mean girls lose respect. Respect is hard to get back.

fakesmile

{there is grace for you, and this is another hug}

So, let’s think of what it is that we don’t like. Dig deep, friends.

This is for you, ladies. Maybe you should know a few things that make you cringe a little or shake your head, so you don’t string a guy along or date someone you don’t even like.

So-Youre-Telling-Me-Theres-a-Chance-In-Dumb-and-Dumber-Gif

Here are my most honest, ridiculous maybe and vulnerable red flags:
I am not too picky and my specificity will be a big relief for my man, thank you.
:: & don’t judge my very specific and accurate red flags, because these things do not work for me::

1) Holy Spirit shy {weird is good, actually}
2) Easily intimidated/small dreaming {yes, I do divorce ministry, that’s hard}
3) Has soul ties {you be talkin bout her, shutty}
4) Unsettled, not ready {babies shouldn’t be scary}
5) Fake laughs {80% of my jokes are just sad, so I know}
6) Can’t just “be” and do nothing with me {comfort factor}
7) Irresponsible spender {hello fights about money}
8) Sends me messages at ungodly hours {hey shady}
9) Reminds me of an ex {yeah no, that’s unfortunate}
10) Doesn’t affirm me verbally {gotta hear it, often}
11) Imperative verbs without saying please {rude, no}
12) Hides me from his family and best friends {not okay, I’m awesome}
13) Makes me feel uneasy or weird {best friend comfort level}
14) No rhythm/non-musical {I’m Latina…}
15) Non-dancer {I’m Latina…}
16) Non-fun-haver {if you just know me, you’ll know}
17) PDA hater/non-kisser {it’s my love language!}
18) Manboy {can’t cook/clean/buy grown-up clothes… that’s a baby}
19) Funky teeth {if I’m gonna tell my kids to brush, daddy’s gotta}
20) Doesn’t joke back {banter banter banter}
21) Jury is still out on certain tank tops {wife beaters sometimes weird me out mostly bc of #22}
22) Chest hair {excessive, bear status… personal preference}
23) Doesn’t have a Twitter account {subtweeting about each other…}*
24) If there are a lot of red flags, about family or friends, or emotional maturity {obvi}
25) Mean to strangers/servers {just makes me cringe and want to apologize}

*#23 Twitter is not a deal breaker.

There you have it, folks.
Non-negotiables.
Write them down or something. Have some.
It’ll make a lot of sense if you can say “well I don’t like him because ___________” and then be a big girl and say “Hey Guy, thank you for being so kind to me, but I don’t see you as more than a friend.” and you don’t have to explain anything else. You just have to be honest.

Honest SOONER than later.
And you stop texting.
You stop hanging out by yourselves.
You don’t manipulate them or do anything that would be considered manipulation.

Please trust that Jesus made you to be who you are.
The guy you marry should sharpen you into a better, truer version of who you are, and you should sharpen him.
You don’t have to marry, much less somebody you don’t like.
You don’t have to date someone more than a couple of times to realize that you aren’t feelin it.
Don’t keep dating in hopes that you’ll eventually like them.
That’s a terrible idea.
That’s not nice, and it puts a stumbling block in your ministry.

If you don’t know what you want, at least know what you don’t want and save time, hearts, and money.

{{Oh please leave comments. What are your non-negotiables?}}

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