I realized why it’s hard for me to say no.
Why I choose challenges.
Why I find myself fighting this flesh that actually strives to be perfect, just so I can hear that I’m perfect.
The irony is that technically I am perfect, because of what Christ has done.
I’m holy and righteous. I’m awesome by Him. His grace comes to give me relief from my striving, and my flesh still fights it.
I hear Him sometimes raising His voice, envision Him gripping His throne with what I can only imagine to be passion, as He affirms me that I’m plenty good, that I’m wanted, and to stop freaking out.
Truth is that a little part of me is still broken. It hurts. It’s flaring up right now, and I know it’s for a reason. It’s for me to truly yield it and let the Lord heal it.
I feel the need to be affirmed more than the usual.
Then, the affirmation I just received expires rather quickly.
You can imagine how frustrating that can be to my loved ones, when I doubt them or question them, or push them. It’s obnoxious. I annoy myself. I question if I’m loved when I seriously was just told that I was loved. I’m not okay with that, it’s like I’m stuck in a catchy 90’s song. No.
Believe me that I am taking this to the Lord.
The affirmation room in my heart is leaking or something.
It’s not holding well. I should be able to hold it better, to cherish it longer.
To believe it.
It’s not even that I don’t hear it from people or hear it enough.
I’m constantly hearing it. My family, my friends, my love, Phylla House ladies, church folks, strangers, internet people… I hear it. Affirmation is on loop, y’all.
Yet I find myself wondering if it has all run out. If everybody has all of a sudden changed their minds about me in a matter of hours, days, weeks. It’s ridiculous. Jesus wants to fix it, which is why it’s being brought to attention.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, I knew this would be a good thing to write about, because I bet there are a lot of good girls and guys who wanna hear just one more time that they’re awesome, and wanted, and loved. Just one more time, right? And then again. And again.
Just for you, here’s some truth:
You are loved.
You are loved by the Father above, and the people around you.
Every hair on your head counted and every step for your feet is guided.
You are called, chased, needed. Run after. Sung over.
Strong enough, fit enough, fair enough. Stunning.
Take it to heart because today and always, you are affirmed. Have your fill. May God’s love rid your heart of any fear and heal your wounds like it’s healing mine. May it give you peace and confidence to love and be loved.