According to Merriam-Webster, capacity means::
: the ability to hold or contain people or things
: the largest amount or number that can be held or contained
: the ability to do something : a mental, emotional, or physical ability
The Lord has been showing me different pictures of what it looks like to have a spiritual capacity, capacity for His love, for His Holy Spirit.
You see, we are just cluttered people. We have some heart clutter, some mind clutter… things get in the way of the full capacity that God wants to work with. Worst of all, we all start out rather tiny, like a Starbucks Tall.
You ever try to get in a friend’s car but they have junk all over their seats? It’s the same when Jesus takes us “as is” and He just climbs right over all the junk. It doesn’t always go away right away, though sometimes it does. He helps you clean up, and certainly makes you want to.
I’ve noticed this in myself and in many disciples of Jesus: we walk around very very cluttered. Sin, and struggle, and strife. Easily swayed, easily stumbling. Then comes the frustration of guilt and confusion. Why am I not stronger? Why am I failing?
CAPACITY
You are expecting to perform at 100% when you might be operating at 20%. Capacity.
War for an increased capacity. War for it.
Even if you feel like the biggest failure of a Christian, Jesus has not given up on you. He has not walked away. He is crammed in there with you, in the middle of all that cluttering mess. He wants to give you more freedom, more space. He declares that you lack no good thing, and that you’re new.ASK HIM what needs to go. Ask Him to make more room in you, that you would have an increased capacity to love and obey Him. Ask Him to free you up even more. He will reveal to you what is most important: His heart.
King David was described as a guy after God’s heart. David had quite the track record. He murdered, and lied, and cheated, and pretty much every yucky thing, He probably tried it.
Yet this is what David wanted most of all:: to worship and dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
We are God’s workmanship. If we were cities, He’d name us “The Lord is There” and “Sought After” and “Married” and all these amazing names.
Oh that the Most High King is living inside my heart. Oh that there is more for Him to commandeer. Oh that I am willingly offering my heart every single day, asking for just a little bit more, please, if it won’t kill me.
ENTERING THE CYCLE
And then…
As you approach fullness, you might start to experience apathy. Oh fun, right? The ache is dulled, you might feel spiritually exhausted, like you need a break from all that filling up, yeah? This is when the enemy sneaks in and tells you that you don’t even love Jesus. He lurks around right when you’re pretty much so full of Jesus, and dangerous. You have to war in prayer from those awful lies that sneak in when you’re basically full to the brim of where God has you.
Once apathy is chased out, the Lord brings out healing and hunger. Again. You start to feel that ache, that yearning for God and His truth.
Do you see the cycle?
If you’re in His hand, if you’ve opened your heart, you’re most likely somewhere in this cycle. I think as we mature in Him, we are less and less swayed by the appearance of the circumstances, because we become more and more well-acquainted with His heart. Gosh, I hope so. Let me at it, Jesus.
Let’s not disdain the work of His hands, or count ourselves out. Does He not say that He finishes what He starts? Does He not say that He’s the Beginning and the End? Does He not call Himself the Author and Perfecter of our Faith?
Let’s not give ourselves too much credit when we’re strong, or too much responsibility when we’re weak. Let’s just abide in Him.
He carries my heart through this crazy process of discipline and maturity. It’s an ebbing and flowing, for better or for worse. It’s a marriage.
It’s not all butterflies, but it is. It’s not all rainy days, but it is.
It’s okay that my feelings and perceptions don’t always match my reality. He is with me, and He is good. He is close. I am in Him, and He is in me. We are. I am in love, even on days when I feel like I fall so short. Those are the days I fall more in love with His grace. Oh, that I would love Him more.
Help me carry more. Help me love more.
That’s really great! Come on Jesus! We need more of you!
I’ve recently been going through a process similar to this and just learning that he’s going to increase my capacity and then the devil is going to hit me. Even if I fail, if I will just get back up I can pick up where I left off. There’s no reason to start again at 1% when God is full of grace and forgiveness. This was great!
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Thanks, Hugh!! So proud of you, bro. God is so awesome when He teaches us similar things, so we can come into agreement 🙂
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