When Fear Backfires

I’m mostly fearless when it comes to killing critters.
Bugs, spiders, scorpions, wasps… I can take them.

With those, I just kill them on the spot, right? No need to trap them in a cup or give them a benediction while setting them free. Meh.

Now when you have bigger intruders, you can’t just kill them on the spot. If you’ve ever had a chicken wander into your dwelling (oh World Race) or a goat, or an iguana… well… you just have to chase it out. You can’t squash it, because it’s a mess. It’s much easier to just get the thing outside.

And so it is with FEAR. The little ones can be waived, dismissed… mashed and squashed. Not much hesitation in that, not much thinking involved. Will I trip and fall as I walk across that stage? Probably not. Even so, it’d be funny. AAAND smush. There goes that fear. See?

Big fears, though, have to be carefully and methodically chased out. Cast out. It’s a circus and a mess, and an intrusion of personal space. Big fears are like goats in your living room. You can’t ignore them, or they’ll seriously poop all over your life. Taylor Swift can testify to that.

In the Word, it says in 1 John 4:18::

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

There are no goats in God’s living room, yeah? Oh my gosh, please be laughing right now.

God chases out my fears. He sometimes does it in very sneaky ways. He pushes me right to the edge of my comfort zone, and, because I am stubborn, He baits me to where He needs me. Step by step. I usually have no idea what He’s doing, but from looking back, I see that every place was intentional, to get me to overcome my fears.

Bald cartoon of myself?

Bald cartoon of myself?

I had a fear that my divorce was going to always always be a DARK CLOUD. Ew. That nobody would want me in their family. That my future husband would feel lame to pick me. NO. Worse yet, that I would feel inadequate, that the pain wouldn’t go away. I truly feared these things, and they were like diarrhea goats (hahaha #cantstop #wontstop) all over my heart. Disgusting and distracting and definitely OUT OF PLACE.

But God had mercy on me. His perfect love came in with pots and pans and mops and shovels and cast out those fears, and cleaned up shop, and put on a Glade candle of joy and a nice afghan of peace on the couch.

As I now sit here in my snuggie of peace, it’s sweet.
God had me write a blog about my divorce about 4 months ago. I had it written, but I didn’t post it. I wouldn’t post it. I also wouldn’t give it up to another platform.
In March, I was approached by a sweet friend, Heather Reed, who I admire so very much. She’s a wonderful writer, cook, wife, friend. She asked me to write a piece on my divorce, centered around the theme of miracles.

YES. So I edited my ‘unpublishable’ blog, sent it to her much much too long, and she very carefully edited it. It was perfect.

And then I forgot about it. I got busy with ministry and work and transitions, and on my day off, after a long sleep, I woke up to my phone completely blowing up.

My blog had been posted on the Adventure in Missions updates, which is pretty much the best place for it to go. It’s a solid platform, with the capacity for thousands of viewers, especially viewers who would relate. Not just 20 somethings who like trendy blogs. No. I want their moms to read my blogs. I want their aunts and grandmas and cousins to read my blog. I want church leadership to read it. I want writers to read it. It’s meat. It’s not about fluffy stuff, but serious. I wanted it to be seen.

Well… it was. And it got read and shared and I have received messages and emails from people who connected to the message. Ministry got a boost. My heart got a huge boost. My fears got kicked out, to make room for bold confidence and answered prayers.

I got the support of my family, and friends, and even strangers haha. Really, glory to God in the highest, for bringing me around to this place of still waters and green pastures. I get to rest in Him and sway in His love. My fears got another dose of Jesus eviction, and I smiled as I saw each fear backfire into blessing.

You can read the divorce blog here:: http://updates.adventures.org/?filename=how-god-made-a-miracle-out-of-my-divorce

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4 thoughts on “When Fear Backfires

  1. I think you are just woderful. I’m so glad it was appropriate to stalk you while you were on the race and then we became IRL friends.

    Love you much beauty!

    • Meg! Thank you for stalking me and finding me, and letting me get to know you because girl… you are a blessing to me 🙂 super excited to see how God keeps using our friendship for the Kingdom.

  2. Amazing blog for sure and super happy that you wrote it. I have my own one of those sitting on a shelf too. I just thought about posting it before I read this and now I think I’m still supposed to wait on it! So good!

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