Why I Dyed My Hair RED

I can thank Pinterest for inspiration, or use the fact that I hadn’t done anything to my hair in 3 years as a reason. I can say I wanted to be like a rockstar with mermaid hair, because it’s fabulous.

But that’s not really why I dyed my hair RED.

Something inside me changed.
Not just the part of me that I won’t miss, but something hardened.

Hardened like clay being fired up.

There’s been a fire, and it was awful, but it was refining.

Most of you know how affectionate I am, how I hug a lot, yeah?

Hugging feels weird right now.

Last night at work, I had two coworkers come hug me, and I almost stepped back away from them. I don’t understand that. Physical touch is my love language, scored a perfect 12 on the test I took in 2012. But now, no? I guess I’m different.

I noticed this in Thailand, too. I didn’t hug my team that much, not as much as I would have normally. You can ask my Uganda team how much I used to hug. Yikes. I’m practically a koala bear, and other people are trees to me. Yet now not so much. My closest friends have moved away, the ones who cuddle. I went through my last storm pretty much alone physically, aside from my girls on the phone.

And maybe it’s a maturing thing, a growing thing, to develop this harder edge. Maybe it was good for me to not be coddled, cuddled, or brought stuffed animals to. I’m 27. I don’t need to go crash at a friend’s house for 3 days when life goes upside down. I almost did. I almost drove 4 hours for that kind of comfort, but God did something different.

He comforted me instead.
I’ve had times when even my phone wouldn’t work, and I would frantically scramble and sometimes pull over in my car, and just cry. Hold the steering wheel and cry. And ask God why I couldn’t even talk to my friends. And He would instantly respond “you need to talk to me” and I’d just cry harder.

This, my sweet friends, is red.

This is why I dyed my hair red.

Not for attention, no. God knows I get enough attention, why would I need to change my hair? I’m seen and heard. I’m a dominant presence from birth, and I couldn’t hide if I tried.

No, this red… this red is the proof I survived the fire and it changed me.

Consuming Fire came near to my broken heart and it hurt and hurt, and I thought maybe my heart was finished. And I know it isn’t. Daily, I’m told it isn’t. He’s bringing my heart back to tenderness, He is. He must.

He is helping me to set my logic aside, and my formulas, and my calculations, and my data… because none of it can stand up to the miracle of His mercy for me.

T2014-08-09 10.39.12he red of His blood.

The red of His passion for me.

The red of His anger that I got hurt.

The red of the rising sun in my life.

It’s a new season, and I want to be reminded that I’m different, that I’m a work in progress, that the fire I carry isn’t done with me yet.

For what mortal has ever heard the voice of the living God speaking out of fire, as we have, and lived? -Deut 5:26

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9 thoughts on “Why I Dyed My Hair RED

  1. Girl, go at your life with flames of our Lord Jesus Christ, who died and shed his blood to save us from our sins. Life is hard. It hurts and will beat you up. Trust me, I am living proof. Pray like there is no tomorrow. Live like there is no tomorrow. Love like there is no tomorrow. Sit quiet and listen. God is talking to you, God is guiding YOU! love you mama penny

  2. Well, it’s absolutely gorgeous! Ha! Glad I got a Helena hug when I was in Georgia though…there’s nothing really like it! Also, it reminds me of one of the episodes of the last season of ‘Arrow’ (yes I watch that)…anyway, ‘Arrow’ (or Oliver) meets the guy who becomes ‘Flash’ and he saves the ‘Arrow’ basically and tells him about a ‘crucible’, which he says something to the effect of ‘when someone goes through a crucible (your consuming fire with the Lord) and survive, then they come out changed, stronger.’ So yeah that’s you! 😀

  3. Mija circumstances change people, but only for a moment! I told you my story of my little Bella and how I felt no one was there for me. I was angry I was mad, I lost my joy, I disliked people, I lost trust in people. My heart hurt so bad that I ended up in the emergency room. As time went on I begin to take a look at my spiritual heart I found that hatred, bitterness, anxiety, fear, confusion, depression were taking root in my heart. My heart had grown hard. Many nights and days The Lord kept reminding me that He was all I needed.
    I asked The Lord will I find love in my heart again? He said “yes as soon as you forgive.” But let me add this, that The Lord does not take lightly what you are feeling, he cries with you and he hurts with you. But God tell us not to lean on our own understanding. This is not the rest of the story! “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.
    You will love again, you will hug again, you will cuddle again and much much stronger then before. I know I’m a testament of His mercy and grace. And yes God is refining you through the fire! He loves to do that with his children.
    You are always in my prayers. xoxo

    • Mama Lisa,
      You have been so kind and encouraging to me, through all this time. I am so grateful to have heard your powerful story, and I pray for little Bella! Amen to all you’ve said, the Lord has goodness in mind, I know He will be faithful. Love you, praying for you, thankful for your unrelenting love.
      ♡Helena

  4. Pingback: Healing Party | Rise & Shine

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