For the last two summers, I’ve gotten the opportunity to teach teenage girls at a church camp. I’ve met some incredible young ladies, with hearts of gold, and real testimonies. Some of the stories they’ve told me completely shocked me, that they’ve undergone crazy hardships when they’re half my age. I still keep in touch with them, via snapchat and Facebook, for the most part. I get little snippets of their days at school, we exchange funny faces, and I sometimes get those late night messages, asking for prayer. Access into their lives is a treasure Jesus has given me, straight from heaven.
One of my gals asked me to write a particular blog: acceptance of God’s gifts, how to love and forgive oneself.
It felt like I was staring at a Jericho topic, that I had no idea how to tackle it, how to say something that wasn’t cliché, and wasn’t dry. And then I had a vision.
I saw the walls of our hearts, built stone by stone. Sometimes it was from sin, the sin that deadens our hearts. Sometimes it was another person’s sin, that so easily entangles us. Higher and higher, the walls go. Abuse comes and we add some stories. Rejection comes and we make it a skyscraper of a wall. Abandonment… ouch…. add more stones there, please.
And all we want is safety, on our own terms. We want to prevent the pain from reaching our cores again. We have the best intentions when we build up walls. I think it’s in our nature to wall off our hearts when we are exposed to excruciating, life-threatening pain.
So I want to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay that you’re in this place where you don’t quite know how to accept things, or receive a grace you need to forgive yourself. You’re locked in with yourself, and it’s a helpless feeling, and the walls are impossible. They’re impossible.
I saw the heavy-hearted ones, who just want to be safe. It’s so heavy to carry those walls around! If that’s you, ooof. I am sorry, I felt the pressure in my chest, as the Holy Spirit revealed to me the weight of what you’re carrying, so that I can relate and intercede.
But then I saw Him. I saw Jesus walking around these walls. Simply pacing around them. Every step He took rattled the ground a little bit. He was singing “feel my love, feel my love, feel my grace, feel my grace” and He sang it over and over.
He circled those walls, and that’s all I saw.
I didn’t see them come down, nor did I see Him climb over them.
All I can tell you, sweet one, is that you have your Savior singing to you, circling your walls, and they are gonna come down. He will give you a new heart, not made of stone. He’ll guard you. And yes, people can still come into your life and hurt you, trust me, I know that. But it’s so different. I am more resilient. I can withstand more. So will you be when He brings down your walls.
I’ve fought my walls and opened my doors, and I’ve felt my own personal rumble of demolition.
I pray that you feel those defenses coming down, that you hear Him singing and pacing around those very places. The walls of “I am not worthy” and “I am not enough” and “I will never be clean” and “I will be alone” and “I am not loved” and “I will fail at love” and “I don’t know how” and “I don’t trust myself” and “I cannot do this” and “there is no hope”… all those walls are lies, and when He sings the truth, because He is the Truth… well… they crumble down.
Ask Jesus for the truth. Clear your mind, grab a piece of paper and a pen, and ask Him “What do you say of me?”
Let Truth sing you Truth. And I pray you believe it.