Here’s the deal: chivalry is not dead.
You asked for this blog and here it is. Let the women rejoice. Ring the alarms. End your bad relationships. Throw a party. Write in your journals about hope. Pray fiercely with faith. Men of God are not extinct. They’re real. They’re out there. You’re not delusional.
:: small tangent rant::
Single woman: you’re not crazy for having a standard! The people who made me feel like an idiot for having a high standard were wrong! And they need to stop giving young ladies poor advice! I’m glad I didn’t date just anyone. I’m glad I turned people down. I’m glad I didn’t panic when people mocked God’s faithfulness. It’s time to stop making excuses and quit listening to people who don’t believe God is big enough, including but not limited to older/married people in your family or church who may be believers but just can’t seem to watch their mouths. Bless their hearts, though.
How do you spot those people? Easy. They give themselves away. Here’s their tell: they NEVER ask about what God is doing in your life, or how He’s speaking to you, or about your personal growth as a powerful daughter of God. Instead, they are more concerned with your “window” and whether or not you have a boyfriend. They can’t seem to help themselves but remind you that “someone will come for you” and that you just need to hold on for dear life. UGH! Somebody already came for you, and His name is Jesus.
NEWSFLASH: if God has you single right now, then you’re better off single right now. God is not a jerk. God might be doing something in your life or the life of your future significant other that is best done when you’re not in each other’s lives. This is okay. This is actually great.
Please don’t let your significant other find you desperate. Please. Let them walk into your life and see you chasing the Kingdom and reaching for the hem of Jesus’ robe. Let them find you powerfully preaching, with a smile on your face, finding purpose in Him and not adding to your secret Pinterest wedding board. Please rise up and thrive as a single, like you’ll thrive in any status. Pretty please? Thanks.
::end of tangent rant::
Now… the kind of man you await is not a unicorn, a vampire, a werewolf, a cartoon, or any other kind of mythical creature.
How a Man of God Pursues:
First of all, THEY DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP. They’re not afraid of saying “Hey, I have feelings for you. May I have more of your time? May I call you more? May I get to know you with the intention of dating you?”
A big difference between a boy and a man, is that a boy will try to sneak into your life, message you at odd hours, ask you weird questions, and not give you their intentions. They simply take. They’ll try to kiss you without asking. They’ll push your boundaries without asking. It’s selfish, and it’s not thoughtful or well-meaning. It isn’t for your good. Oh and if you let them, they will. Put your foot down and then boot them out. You are a woman of dignity, and you should hold on to your dignity. Tell them “I don’t like to talk this late.” or simply don’t respond. Tell them “I think you’re pushing the line of friendship here. What are your intentions?” and see what happens. Boys run away and shut you out.
Secondly, THEY ARE STRAIGHT-FORWARD. Gentlemen don’t make you wonder if or when they’re going to call you or text you. They don’t make you wonder if they want to talk to you. They don’t make you feel weird for texting them, or make you feel like you’re annoying. They definitely don’t tell you to “play hard to get.” These things have happened to me in the past, and I was very confused, wondering if something was wrong with me. Truth is that you’re not supposed to ignore each other to make the other person like you more. That’s not how relationships go. Gentlemen don’t make you feel rejected. If you’re feeling rejected, guess what? That feeling doesn’t go away when you’re married to that person. You don’t want that kind of marriage. Wait for someone who values you, who says “I will talk to you tomorrow” or “I’ll call you after work” or “text me when you’re done” and doesn’t make communication into a guessing game. There’s security in knowing what’s going on.
Thirdly, THEY ARE THOUGHTFUL. Honestly, gals, it’s not rocket science. Flowers. Making dinner. Opening doors. Planning a sweet date. It’s not tough, but it goes such a long way. Be careful when you can tell that someone is not being thoughtful, or that they’re pretending that they don’t know what they could do to express their feelings for you. It’s common sense, and it is kindness demonstrated. It needs to be there. Holidays, birthdays, and sweet gestures are important to me. If they’re important to you, hold your ground.
Fourthly, THEY ARE PROUD OF YOU. Not just in the sense of supporting your dreams and who you are as a person, but also that they don’t hide you. They don’t hide you from anybody. They’re excited to take a picture with you, they talk about you to their friends, and there is nothing about your relationship that is hidden. Players hide you because they don’t want to blow their cover with the other girls they’re talking to. They want to continue to get attention from girls who like them, and to flirt with them, and that’s why they have a tendency of hiding relationships and making girls feel like dirty little secrets. Let me just remind you that this should not be the norm, and that you don’t have to tolerate that. The person you date should be proud of you and feel lucky to be with you.
Last but not least, THEY INSPIRE YOU. Looking at this person, you see someone whose life you admire. They walk in grace and truth. They seek righteousness. They talk about what they’re learning about God’s heart and character. They uphold your purity and set good boundaries. Their life is a good example to others, and they carry traits you’d want imparted on the next generation.
Do not lose hope. Do not settle. Do not slow down your Kingdom pace. Do not put up with *insert strong choice words that are so very not my style but appropriately express what I’m trying to say.* You’re worth it. You’re worth it. You’re worth it.
Keep seeking first the Kingdom, pursuing your passion and dreams, and soon enough you’ll look around and see that someone is standing in front of you, with that look in their eyes you’ve been waiting to behold.
God is Love, and through every season, He is Faithful.