Here’s something I’ve noticed: we give the calendar way too much power over our feelings.
That day is coming. Oh that day is a hard day for me, when that one thing happened years ago, ooh, it’s gonna be a tough one. I might need a glass of wine, or to cry, or curl up in my jammies, eating comfort food. For anybody else, it’s just a regular Tuesday, but OH THAT DAY.
I’m all for grieving, folks. I’m all for feeling all the feels, crying it out, not bottling up, and being honest. But… you have to allow yourself to believe in the concept of being okay afterwards.
As in… that day rolls around next year and it is just a Tuesday.
Do you remember everything? Yeah, sure, but that was another year, a long time ago. Sometimes, it hurts again, and that’s okay too.
What makes me sad is to see you make a HOLIDAY out of something bad, and celebrate it every year by making yourself miserable. We make holidays to remember, sure, but it feels a lot like a minefield when your calendar is full of pitfall days, when you’re expecting to feel ALL THE FEELS and expecting life to just completely overcome you.
My used-to-be miserable days all mostly landed in November. I’d be like NOOOOO…. vember. I’d flinch, brace myself, and let myself just fall into the hot mess that were the feelings I allowed myself to feel, including but not limited to self-pity, regret, shame, fear, anger, and sorrow. AS IF a date on the calendar has the power to completely disrupt the progress I had been making all year long.
A friend gave me some tough love and I love her for it. She basically said that November didn’t have to be terrible at all, and that I had power over this. And the concept at first was very foreign. You mean I don’t have to re-feel all the bad things? I don’t have to beat myself up for my mistakes, yearly, on the date of them? Oh… like… freedom or something? Or healing? This is new.
I believe that you can have regular Tuesdays. You can have regular Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays too. You can have a good day that just so happens to land on any day of the calendar. And that you have those memories, yes, but that you don’t have to celebrate them if you don’t want to. You can remove all the flinching and you can let those days be like nothing ever happened on them.
At first it might feel like you’re faking it, but really you’re not. You’re not in denial. You just might be okay, and you don’t have to think about those things if you don’t want to. You might have to push the thoughts away, and stare at your face in the mirror for a few minutes, and recite some scripture about being a new creation. You might have to forgive yourself. What you don’t have to do is have a bad day on purpose, when you allow your feelings to overcome you.
Also, if you were on a desert island, and you had no calendars, it would be just another day. Hence probably why I decorated my entire bathroom like a desert island… I wanna be on island time with Jesus 24/7.
Side note, I believe that winter is cold. And sure, it’s not fun to go outside and be too cold. But indoors, it can feel like the indoors of summer. You don’t have to change your mindset, love. Jesus is still just as good, all year-round.
You don’t have to brace yourself for the wave of bad that comes when you turn the calendar page. It’s seriously in your head, as it was in mine. Take it from someone who celebrated deathaversaries, divorceaversaries, dayheleftaversaries, and failanniversaries… stop. You deserve to stop.
With all that said, have a great Tuesday!