Today I was supposed to get 3 things done, and I got none of them done. I ate about 60% of a truffle mousse cake from Kroger and I watched Netflix. I spent time reading Romans and being soothed by Steffany Gretzinger’s angelic voice. I rocked in my hammock, and hung out with the new kitten I adopted. Its claws are really sharp and I have no idea if it’s a male or a female, so it doesn’t have a name yet… however, it is obsessed with me. Positively obsessed. It walks with me across the room, tripping me up. I saved it, so it thinks I’m Jesus or something. I’m not Jesus, little kitten.
I was scrolling through Instagram and I was overwhelmed with joy. The pictures, faces, and good news… I realized that I was seeing little square testimonies of God’s goodness. I saw provision, health, beauty. I saw strong marriages and happy couples. I saw funny little girls who think they’re princesses. There was nature, and glory, and revelation.
For a small moment, I surveyed my life and I took inventory. Having been gone for about 2 weeks out of last month, across NINE states, I see three bags that need to be unpacked. The clothes I wore and the things I carried with me all need to go back to their normal places. I suddenly realized why I had been avoiding unpacking all day, and the good problem I have in my hands: I love people far and wide. And right now I’m in my house alone with an unnamed kitten and 3 bags of memory from when I was with them, holding them, laughing in person, sharing meals, and taking pictures.
While my first instinct is to cry, miss them, and feel lonely, my second instinct is to make a memory. I want to remember this night as a thankful memory. Just plain thankful. Thankful that I have a family that trusts me and says to me você é guerreira, which means you are a warrior. Even from a different hemisphere, they never hesitate to remind me of who I am. That’s as encouraging as it gets, because I am super awesome hahaha. It’s nice to be trusted and respected by the people who know me from birth, yeah? I feel honored.
I’m thankful that I have best friends. My sacred circle is so wonderfully solid, and I’m thankful for Mama Betsy Garmon who taught me what a sacred circle even is. Before that, I tried to carry all my friendships into the deepest place, and I would beat myself up trying to keep up with friends who were not keeping up with me.
Two years ago, I built this circle and grieved the distance that was about to take place in the other friendships. I figured out who was going to be around me emotionally and spiritually, and I officially drafted these powerhouses into my life. My four best friends, who know all my details and vice versa. Now I look back and I get to be thankful for spiritual and emotional health, people who have prayed with me, gone on adventures with me, and have fought for a deep level of relationship with me in Christ. That is RARE and a real treasure and I have it on earth as it is in heaven.
I’m on the brink of starting a new job, and I’m thankful that I have a reliable car and a cool hammock, unread books on my shelf, the fuzziest of rugs, and I even have an elliptical in my room. My Christmas lights stay up all year-round because it’s my room and my rules and I believe that the glow shouldn’t have to go away. There are generations within me, as well as worlds, words, and stories.
And I’m telling you this because if you took the time to survey your life, you would find that you also have much to be thankful for when you’re having to “unpack” your feelings. Tonight I had a choice. I could have despaired. I could have spiraled down and that would have been okay too, but I chose to remain thankful and put on my “PRAISE PONCHO” (aw yeah baby). I am trying to make #PRAISEPONCHO a thing, so bear with me.
Tonight will be etched in my remembrance as a quiet, rainy night with a full heart and a messy room. Someday in the future, when I’m living in a full house, with little ones, door-related noises, spills, and no alone time, I pray the Lord brings to my mind the memory of this very night: January 3rd, 2015, when I wore my #PRAISEPONCHO. The thought will bring up a deep, deep laughter, and I’ll kiss the faces of my messy babes, and thank them.
And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go unpack these bags.