I found myself on the floor, weeping. I hadn’t cried that hard in a long, long time. I dare say it’s been years since I’ve cried so hard, for so long. My body shook with sobs. Snot was everywhere.
As the tears rolled, because of how I was kneeling, they went up to my eyebrows and then rolled down my forehead into my hairline. Upward tears.
I’ve never had such a thing happen to me before. Apparently, if you angle it just right with your face on the floor and cry hard enough to generate that many tears, they go UP your face.
God reminded me that the impact He is making through us is revolutionary. He’s flowing and blasting glory everywhere He is, which is in us. I was crying because I felt the presence of His glory. I was crying because I could feel the need for restoration of broken hearts. Most of all, I was crying because He showed me the impact I was making and it was unbelievable. All to His glory, but wow, there were so many people affected.
Phylla House is being birthed this year, its third year. It’s been real, it’s been a thing, but this year it’s being launched like never before. I’m excited and thankful that God gave me this calling.
Now, I’d like to confess that I was struggling with fear of what you might think. I’ve blogged about having the courage to start over, and yet I silenced myself from talking about dating and what’s happening in my life, thinking that you wouldn’t be happy for me or maybe equal me to some kind of Taylor Swift serial dater. Nah!
If you know my standards, you know this is just God having a sense of humor.
It’s actually going well. He’s been coming with me to church and loves Bethel. I’ve hung out with his family a few times. We’ve hiked, gotten food lots of times, watched movies, and we laugh. He’s so goofy and patient, steady. He loves routine like I do. He is a pro at affirmation. He’s thoughtful, smart, determined. He leaves surprises and “just because” flowers on my porch. I can’t not mention it. I can’t help but be vulnerable and say I am surprised. I am so surprised. My heart is genuinely dancing.
Sometimes we try to defend things that don’t need defending, ya know? Maybe it’s life and we learn as we go. Sometimes we try to date our friends to try to lower the risk of failure, and it still doesn’t work. Sometimes we meet someone brand new and have no choice but to sit next to him for hours. And even though he’s way too handsome and it’s horribly intimidating, you end up laughing and skipping out. And he chases after you and pursues you, and loves Jesus, and brings you flowers… and you wonder what the heck you did right?
Welcome to my life at the moment. Crying upward tears, birthing a ministry, and dating. No shame in my game.