It’s October in Atlanta, and I’m happy here.
I look down at my lap and see a physical copy of the book I’ve written, and I’m happy here. Sitting on my turquoise swivel chair feels right, even though it’s temporary compared to the fancy seats in heaven.
My home is quiet, but I’m happy here. Living alone wasn’t the nightmare I had envisioned. This is exactly what I needed, for now. Someday my home will be loud and messy with kids, and that thought is bittersweet. I like it here, today, more than I like a future day. That, my friends, is progress. Contentment. I’m living out my favorite verse about contentment in all circumstances, the 12th verse in the 4th chapter of Philippians. It’s no coincidence that my birthday is the 12th day of the 4th month. Contentment is strength, and I feel it.
I think back to the stormy days, the ones that got me here. I wasn’t so thankful then, and I definitely wasn’t happy. In the struggle, God was building me. I’m glad He never takes a vacation from me. I’m His vacation. His favorite thing to do is work on my heart, and your heart, and prepare us, if we dare to listen.
My brother called me today and we had the best conversation about growing up. We decided that it’s not necessarily maturity but exhaustion that happens. People get too tired to do the unnecessary, so they focus on the necessary, and that looks like growing up. I wonder if it’s true. If I had the same energy and crazy zeal as I did 10 years ago, would I be wiser? I think I’ve slowed down just enough to catch traction on the road and stay on it.
Between two jobs at two hospitals, crocheting and knitting to fill the 20+ orders I’ve gotten, and publishing the book, I am happy to say that God is totally helping me by giving me strength, joy, and perspective. I’ve been working so hard because I want to be debt-free by 30. The fun part is knowing that God is KING at providing more than I need, and that it’s by Him, not my hands, that any breakthrough is accomplished.
As for my heart, it is full. I’ve made new friends and many yet to come. Hearing their stories feels like receiving jewels. What a precious gift I will keep! I’ve started attending Passion City Church with Buddy, and it’s a joy to find a vibrant body of believers nearby us. Speaking of Buddy, we’re coming up on 9 months of dating. It’s real. It’s SO real.
All of this makes me realize that this time of my life is a rarity. Quiet evenings. Candles. Reading. Writing. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, as if I could possibly breathe in this peace all the way into my soul and push it into the years to come. This isn’t alone time. It’s also not singleness, as in non-marriedness. It’s preparation.
If you’ve ever done any job or attended anything, you know they take the time to train you first. They will attempt to prepare you for what’s to come and what is required. The best thing to do is to pay close attention and listen, and cherish the training. Trust it. Attend it. And this is it. I’m preparing. It’s the weirdest, quietest peace I’ve ever felt in my entire life. It buzzes and hums. It chants for me to get ready. Life is gonna change, and that’s inevitable and wonderful.
In the meantime, I’m training in peace and quiet, as God teaches lessons to my heart that I couldn’t learn without the silence and space He’s given me today. I’m happy here.