Tasting Fear and Freedom

There are moments in life when you can taste fear. You can feel it in your belly, the cold. Brain goes foggy. Eyes go teary. This is it. This is where all the worst case scenarios are true. It’s over. It’s not gonna happen. It’s the sinking versus swimming, and the flight versus fight. Helpless. Out of control. In pain. Stuck in trauma. Transported back to that place when you’re a little bitty and everyone leaves and they don’t see you, and they don’t notice. You reach for your throat but you can’t scream. There’s just a burning knot you can’t swallow down. Words don’t line up properly, they scramble out of order, forgetting common sense. Intentions blur, as do resolutions. You don’t know how to fix it, or how to escape it. Fear manifests and stands like a monster, looking you in the face.

Be thankful when God places you in front of an impossibility, because He wants to teach you about His heart and nature. Are you willing to experience His peace and faithfulness? Are you willing to cling?

When I am afraid, I will trust in You.
When I’m overcome, I will cling on to the Rock that is higher.

How many opportunities do we really get to look fear in the face and yell ‘Jesus’? In those real deal moments, do we roar? You bet I roared tonight. It took a long call, a Sozo session, a glass of water, countless tissues, and turning my phone off, but you best believe I got to ROAR and God carried me from being miserably afraid and helpless to the ROAR of His goodness and His promise in my life.

When hearts and lives are on the line, how do we fight back? Do we cower and freak out? I repented today of thinking my fear was bigger than God’s power. I repented of the case I built with unforgiving judgment, and the record of wrongs I kept. I get to see God’s perfect faithfulness shine here. That’s an opportunity. I’m gonna take this night and count it as an opportunity for God to show up and do what only God can do, and for me to show up and do what only I can do: trust and release.

102913He’s a Good, Good Father. He will not let me be put to shame. It’s nights like this when I renew my vows to Him. Okay, Jesus… so this is what pain and fear feel like. I hand them over to You, and I thank You for letting me experience what it is to be human.

Thank You for showing me that Your perfect love casts out fear, rejecting it and disabling it. Thank You for open eyes and ears to hear Your truth and Your goodness. Thank You for quiet nights alone when I get to trust You’re fighting the battles You need to fight. Thank You for “this is not your battle, but the Lord’s” and the hard reset. Thank You for grounding me in a good way. Thank You for Your ways that are higher than my ways, and for Your timing that is beautiful and better than my timing. Thank You for being in absolute control and for being Trustworthy. Thank You for being King of my heart.

Thank You for the opportunity to stop measuring my impossibilities and yield to Your possibilities. Thank You for coming through for me, even when I don’t yet know the outcome, I know who You are and Your nature, and that’s a win. Thank You for instilling in me Your  confidence in the quietness. Thank You for teaching my heart to run to You. Thank You that one fearful night yields so much fruit, that the enemy’s plans to kill, steal, and destroy have been reversed into Your powerful new life, abundance, and restoration.

Bravo, King Jesus. Bravo. Only You could do that.

There are moments in life when you can taste freedom. You can feel it in your belly, the warmth. Brain is aware. Eyes are focused. This is it. This is where all of God’s promises are true. It’s real. It’s happening before your eyes. It’s the swimming versus sinking, and the fight versus flight. Powerful. God-ordained. In Love. Released in newness. Brought into the place where you’re embraced by Unfailing Love Himself, eyes locked with His. Words aren’t needed. There’s just a humming, steady peace. There’s a holy alignment of thoughts and desires. Intentions sharpen, as do resolutions. You don’t have to work for it, just breathe it in. Love manifests and stands like a King, looking you in the face.

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