Gentle

Gentle. Humble. Meek. Patient. Unassuming. Calm.

Dropping expectations, timelines, grievances.

Rebuilding, constantly. Choosing to start over and over, then scrapping it all and starting over again.

Laying low. Realizing I’m laying too low. Laying a little bit higher.

The silence has been teaching me things lately that words couldn’t explain. Void. The quiet hum you hear when all is truly, truly hushed. The clock ticking is all that illustrates this silence. The irony.

I can feel time. Things ten years ago feel like yesterday, and some things yesterday feel like ten years ago. Time is something else, isn’t it? I toy with the thought of being timeless, standing outside of this trap of time, where God sits enthroned before time and after it. I get to sit by Him when I close my eyes and inhale, and see it with my mind. It’s like sitting on top of a skyscraper, watching the small things below, and the lights twinkling. Humans need light. When I’m with Him, I don’t need light; He is the light. The breeze blows through my hair and when I’m with Him it all feels so silly and small. Momentary troubles, yes. Feeling understood with a single glance, yes.

20140922_190946Darling, don’t be misled by your eyes and your skin in the winter. There are times you can’t feel or see, but the proof is there right in front of you. The dry, bare trees that look so strained will be the very ones to bloom. Even now, they’re working inwardly on the bright petals and the scented flowers. Darling, you can’t always see what I’m doing, but you must trust me. Let’s wait together.

God, what does my heart want that it doesn’t already have? If something is missing, will You fill it? The Maker of my heart knows exactly what it needs.

God, make me gentle, humble, meek, patient, unassuming, calm.

I am learning to discern God’s invitations versus the ones that come to distract me and burden me. I want to keep walking in full surrender to Him and His plan. What’s mine is mine because He set it aside and put my name on it. Every plan of His comes to pass. I read Romans 8 out loud this morning, declaring it to myself. Some of it rang in my ears like new information. My mind is controlled by the Spirit, and this yields life and peace. When my mind is set on earthly things, I lose track of my Spirit peace. It’s common sense.

We get the fun privilege of willfully acknowledging we’ve been thinking of earthly things, and choosing instead to yield to the Spirit.

Holy Spirit, when my thoughts run to THAT direction, or to THIS worry, would You bind them and bring them back to You? I give You control of my mind. Would You give me words, pictures, and fresh ideas? Would You give me inspiration? Let’s be in constant conversation.

Fun fact: I hadn’t gotten a picture/word from the Lord in a while. Not that He wasn’t sending, but rather that I wasn’t asking. Today, He popped the thought in my brain of a pineapple. I thought that was so random and looked it up. Firstly, without having to think much of it, I’ve been praying for gentleness. A pineapple is not a gentle fruit, it has spikes and it’s so flavorful! I found out that it takes between 18 months and 2 years to grow a pineapple. That piece of information messed me up, in a good way. God’s timing is perfect. Another thing that came to mind was the first time I went to Thailand, all I craved for breakfast was a fresh pineapple smoothie. During that time of my life, I was hurting inside. God was addressing my fears. It hurt to admit how much I was afraid of, and how much my life didn’t turn out how I thought it would. It hurt to say “I do not know” and keep putting one foot in front of the other. God is bringing me around to some of those same lessons lately, in new ways. I’m in uncharted territory, and “I do not know” is my song and dance. I have to hold His hand for support in every step. I have to draw from His strength every single day. I have to yield emotions, fears, words, conversations, and even my phone, DAILY. There are times I’ve gone to call a friend to talk or vent, and felt myself putting my phone back down and breathing instead. I am learning to pray, all over again. I’m learning to  go to Jesus first. I’m checking my emotions like carry-ons at an airport, putting each item on a belt, walking past the detectors without shoes, with my hands up, clear. Each feeling, thought, emotion gets scanned, for my safety. I only put on what is mine. I only carry what is safe.

God, make me gentle, humble, meek, patient, unassuming, calm.

What’s your current prayer? What is Jesus teaching you? I’d love to hear it. ❤

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4 thoughts on “Gentle

  1. Helena, my gosh, I can’t even fully explain how much this spoke to me – how it mirrors where I’m at in so many ways. Thank you for using the gift of your words to bless others. It has blessed me profoundly, and encouraged me as I, too, am learning to come to Him first, keep His peace, and be okay with the not knowing. Wow. Thanks again. Sending love, friend.

    • Hey Michelle, I’m so glad to hear from you 🙂 gosh, it’s comforting to know you’re on the same page, learning these same things. Thankful for you, sweet girl!!

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