Don’t Lose the Fire

Fireball over here has a confession: my Fire started to wane.

Blame it on Ministry School being done for now. Blame it on life transitions eating up my time. Blame it on me not getting any new leaders for Phylla House and feeling like a plastic bag about that… I understood the Katy Perry song lyric for the first time.

Do you ever feel… like a plastic bag… ?

Yep.

Fireball felt like a plastic bag. It doesn’t take long to drift. And I praise God, it doesn’t take long to anchor, either.

Today I woke up determined to be a super productive adult who follows through. Follows through with people, emails, banks, and laundry. And in it, I prayed. I got excited. I had setbacks but it all got done today. And then I had one phone call scheduled for 6pm, with an OUTSTANDING woman of God.

Charity is her name. And today she sharpened me. She reminded me of what Phylla House is about, as I heard her little kids’ voices in the background, as she raises them bravely as a widow, and as she reminds me that we need people who have been through the fire, and we need structure. Structure! Ahh. The thing I’ve been fighting. The thing that I always think would hinder the spontaneous growth of Holy Spirit work. But it’s needed. We set deadlines. She brought her fire over to mine and it sparked brighter.

Sometimes it’s easier to go where the fruit is, and I’ve been taught this, too. Go where the fruit is! But sometimes we have to stick it out, and fast, and endure. We have to hold tight to dormant dreams, to the ideas that don’t seem to be catching as quickly as we’d hoped. And we hold them, even then. Even still. We take them to the Lord, sometimes in our frustration, and He passes by in a quiet whisper to remind us He is still very much Sovereign.

Multiply the crumbs, Lord. Nourish the sparks into a mighty flame for You. Don’t let us give up on dreams that You put in our hearts.

All in all to say, the #ATLdevo is coming back. It might be a little different, too. I get to dream again, and ask the Lord just how He wants His fire disbursed.

Fight to keep your fire. What’s the dream in your heart that tends to wane in times of hardship? That. I pray a blessing over what that is for you. All to Jesus we surrender, and yes, that includes our doubts, our timing, our expectations, our judgments, and our past frustrations. And we exchange those for a fresh fire and a fresh hope, with a double scoop of unrealistic, and sprinkles of the impossible.

This song says it all: You’re unrelenting, with passion and mercy. Unstoppable love that never ends.

If Love is for us, who can be against us?

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Trusting My Brothers

I’m doing some repenting right now and I want to share it with you, because maybe you’re supposed to join me in this.

I need to repent in the way I stopped trusting my brothers. I’m not talking about my biological brother, but my brothers in Christ, my buddies, my friends, my pals who just so happen to be males.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I have kept you at arm’s length. I’m sorry I have assumed you might be sketchy. I’m sorry I have failed to trust you, to laugh with you, and to give you the benefit of the doubt. I’m sorry I have been stern, and I’m sorry I have pushed you away abrasively. That is not my character. That’s not who I am, but a temporary behavior that stemmed from a healing heart.

I’m well aware of it now, and here’s what happened…

I’m an extremely analytical person, and my formulas got all switched up. The part of my heart that defends itself, that makes fantastic choices… well, it got a little hypersensitive. I dated my very best guy friend, and my heart got smashed. I decided, without realizing that I was deciding it, that I would not let other guys become such close friends to me again, ever, because that kind of pain is not something I’d like to experience again. What if a close guy friend decided to pursue me? Would I completely flip out? Yeah, probably.

Is that not my dream, though? Is that not something I desire? To date someone I know well? I thought it was, and I think it still is. I berated myself, because I thought I had started to open my heart in a friendship, and let someone into my life, to get to know me, and then there was this magic trick where romance was introduced, and I thought I would just about die of happiness. The hard part was over, we knew each other, we knew what we wanted… and and and bust. Wasn’t it.

My genius way of preventing that from happening again? “Don’t get close to guys.”

UGH! I’M SORRY!!!!

So I’ve pushed my brothers away, and I even got all mixed up, had some weird conversations, and while I am a total stickler about flirting and keeping good boundaries, I had to be rebuked by the Lord IN A DREAM about how I’m pushing my brothers away.

I found that lie in my heart, and I recoiled, and removed it.

I can be a friend again. I won’t push away, or act extra weird, or get all “SO WHAT IS THIS?!” when my bros are trying to be my bros. They can have my number. They can feel free to call me. We can hang out, just maybe not til 3am, yeah? I’m a lady!!! I’ll do my best not to time them or chart our interactions. I’m excited for when I’m back in Georgia, to see how this all will play out. There’s always freedom when fear is removed.

courage

I know the Lord is trying to give me a gift in friendships, and He is so adamant that I receive the gift in full, that He gave me a dream to show me what I was doing wrong. I’m not going to look back any longer, and I’m telling my heart it’s okay to trust. It’s okay to trust my brothers. It’s okay to encourage them and love them well. It’s okay to hug, to laugh, to talk. These people are trying to get to know me, and I, them. They’re not out to hurt me, not at all. I’m new, and new creatures have fresh stores of trust.

In Jesus’ name, my heart is healed and aligned to trust my brothers, to make new friends, both gals and guys. What a lovely gift it is, and I will receive it with thanksgiving.

Healing Party

Life is so beautifully full.

For he satisfies the longing soul,
and the hungry soul he fills with good things.
Psalm 107:9

My Bethel family is blowing my mind. Last night we got together to throw a birthday party for sweet baby Samuel. Samuel is in the hospital, born premature, and the doctors have given him zero chance. Zero. And we are not gonna take that. We have been praying and his oxygen levels are pretty much staying at 100%, as well as him digesting food for the first time successfully. Tonight we sang children songs, and painted for him. We danced. We made true the meaning of his name, “heard of God” because we are making God hear all kinds of things on his behalf!

samuelpaintings

We thought we were showing up to pray for SAMUEL’S healing, to celebrate HIM, and we did. But then there was more. We had one healed ear, comfort for back pains and chest pains, and my weird-hug-itis got healed. I’m back to being a hugging machine. Come and get it.

HOW GOOD IS GOD?! He heals us as we pray for healing. He comforts us as we pray for comfort. It’s beautiful to see Him provide like this, pour out like this. It’s like an infomercial… “But wait…”

myrrh

As I was canoodling with my new friend Morgan, this wave of God’s love hit me. I looked down at myself and saw that I was comfortably cozy with another human, and mentally realized that my “weird weird” was done. I started crying! My tears just kept spilling, as I realized that God restored me back to feeling things. My weird funk… done! It’s past! It’s over! I’m okay! I’m huggable! I’m kissable! I’m restored to affection again, after a time of sincere aversion to even the thought of affection. Mama Bear is back, just in time. JUST. IN. TIME.

Psalm 107 is rocking my world, I hope it rocks yours. I mean, it should.

LOVE you.

-H

The Revival Is Here

It’s already happening, you know? The revival we’ve been waiting for? It’s happening.

Revival is happening at the hospital, at my work. My coworkers are texting Bible verses to encourage their friends. I have coworkers subscribed to my devotional.The janitor tells me about his gift of teaching, about the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Healing is taking place, people who should have been dead. I scroll through the ER boards, I pray. I may not see the end result, but I believe it! I believe that Jesus is still the same, that a grasp of the hem of His clothing can heal, and if we are clothed by Him, then we carry such a power. Peter’s shadow. I read my Bible and I believe it. Do you? You should, because it’s happening. The impossible stuff? It’s happening, for the glory of God, in the name of Jesus.

Revival is happening on my phone. Yep. It rings, people calling me for HOPE. They want a dose of HOPE. Just this week, two suicidal women called me, saying “it’s bad,” and guess what? They called ME. Me! They call me. Do you see it? That’s revival. I am a big, giant jar of HOPE OF JESUS, and these ladies have my number. I answer. I listen. I pray with them. I call them out on the lies they’ve been agreeing with. I tell them the truth, but so wrapped in love. I prophesy over them about LOVE and POWER. They call me, and then we call Jesus. Jesus answers. He’s got all the right answers. Guess who they want to talk to when they dial my number? They want to talk to Jesus! That’s revival.

Revival is happening through the devotional I’ve been writing. I’ve been at it for 9 days, got 78 subscribers, some are STRANGERS! I get feedback DAILY on how Jesus is using it! We do different things each day of the week, and it’s amazing to see the responses to prophecy, exhortation, worship, teaching, creativity, processing, and a sermon. Each of these things are edifying, and they have been impacting people in different ways, praise God! A nice cold drink on a hot desert day is the gospel presented to you in the way your heart has been craving to have it. And God keeps speaking to me, I get something new every single day. Out of this overflow sprouts A Tree of Life.

ps97

#ATLdevo:: Fridays are out of the box.

Revival happened tonight at Waffle House. Our waitress quickly recognized us as Bethel people, and told us that THE ONLY REASON she keeps her Monday and Tuesday night shifts is that Bethel people come in. That’s Jesus, walking into the room. She’s sensing His presence, His fragrance, His love through His kids, because we look like Our Dad! That’s what revival is: Jesus walking in and being recognized, being desired.

I want to testify that the revival is here. He’s here. He’s walking into the room. He’s being called. He’s being sought after. His creation is craving time with Him. They are receiving their healing, their hope, their joy… in HIM!

You needn’t wait any longer to join in, you know. It’s happening. Listen in and follow the music, as He sings over His beloved creation, His song of love and redemption. His song is saying “I’m with you, I’m with you, I’m with you.”

Revival is Jesus and He’s walking and He’s here.